For months, I have been struggling with longstanding moments of intense loneliness like I have never experienced before. The loneliness I feel is truly a sense of incompleteness within myself and it is separate from physically being alone (although I sometimes feel that much of my difficulties stem from being physically by myself). My connections with friends and loved ones has helped immensely at quenching those feelings I experience and I am very grateful to have people around me that I am able to lean on when I need them. I honestly believe I wouldn’t have made it without them and I hope someday to repay the favor to them or to others that will experience the hurt I have experienced for nearly two years.
For me, I think this kind of hollow feeling may relate to a personal inability to identify my talents and value myself. I have been trying very hard to recognize the power of positive thinking and at times I am very successful with that task. Other times I fail miserably.
Embracing loneliness, including those sinking feelings, doesn’t have to perpetuate anxiety or a sense of helplessness. I have been very fortunate to recognize and share myself with people who accept me for who I am. I have determined that the expectations to deal with then, become my own.
In order to compensate for my loneliness, I have started to accept the ups and downs of life, to see the benefits to all that happens to me, and in all that I choose to make happen.
Becoming more active has given me more energy and helped to spark my motivation. This weekend was a case in point as I drove to Chicago to visit my aunt and her friends from Iowa. It just happened to also be the weekend of the Bike the Drive bike ride in which Lakeshore Drive was closed to all automobile traffic on Sunday morning. At 7:00 AM, in the 55 degree wet and windy weather complete with a fog advisory, I joined 20,000 other bikers for the trip along Chicago’s shoreline. I was certainly NOT lonely! I was COLD and WET. I couldn’t feel my fingers, but I was not LONELY!
I continue to pursue things that I once enjoyed. I am taking weekly piano lessons at Lakeland College and I am in absolute heaven when I sit at the piano and practice. All my worries and concerns about my kid’s and my future are completely nonexistent during this time of the day.
A new outlook is slowly blossoming!
